Sickest day ever!

Okay so I finally found something better to talk about, and it's name is Bamboozle. It was fucking awesome! I mean, come on; Thrice, Wierd Al, Catch 22, AND Linkin Park all in the same day? Fucking amazing, thats all I have to say.

Saturday started out as a bust since Kiara's mom wouldn't let her hang with me in town like we planned but I didn't mind so much after calling and talking for hours until like half past 11. And then.. I gave her my number.

The next day started out on a great note when the weather turned out beautiful. It was all the more better when my dad started complaining that SOMEONE had called our house at 3am and woke him up.. <3<3 Thanks Kiwi, I thought he was gona kill me the whole ride there. It was about an hour and a half drive there and by the time we got there, got into what could have been called a line, we had to wait at least an hour to get in. Not really all that bad considering how many people were still trying to get in hours after we did..

Catch was really good for the 10 minutes I did get to see them, but I was jumping up and down when then ended with Keasby.. They sound great live. Weird Al was funny as hell to watch, he came on stage rockin' his dreadlocks and his accordion. I loved the Jessica S'amson joke he kept doing in between songs. Thrice kicked ass, they played some new songs and even my favorite song Red Sky.. I sang a lot. Then Linkin Park came on. Jeez, that was a trip. They were amazing live, all their songs were perfect. They played a few new ones but kept to Meteora and Hybrid Theory mostly. At this point of the night I lost all control and just screamed all the lyrics I could until it hurt. Then I took a deep breath or two and did it again!

Now, all of today I have a bad sunburn on my face and left arm, I can't talk without sounding like a pre-pubescent girl, my face still hurts from getting that beer bottle thrown at it, and my back is healing after I got kicked 3 or 4 times near the mosh pit trying to keep the crowd-surfers off of Liz. But I made off with a Linkin Park hat, being so close to Dustin Kensrue that he could have tossed something to me, and being right in the thick of the biggest crowd I've ever been in listening to my favorite band play some of the sickest shit I've heard live. It was a really good, the best weekend of my life.

Liz and her brother were awesome the whole day, I never realized how fun it is just sitting on black concrete and bullshitting, resting our legs and waiting for a good band to start. Love you guys and damn it Kermit, you better take care of Shoprite for me! All in all, it was a great day hanging with great people listening to great music on a great day. \\nn//

So now I'm sitting here, 40 minutes till midnight, feel like I'm very sick, been coughing all day, my ribs, back, and arms are very sore, and I'm tired as hell for once.. but I've never felt better!

I'll make another post later tomorrow with all the pictures we took. Mostly fussy pictures of Linkin Park and a lot of great shots of Thrice. Check back then.

Hybrid-BLoG Post #100: Anonymity.

Yes yes, I understand that I haven't posted anything new in close to a month but this makes my 100Th blog post and I wanted to make it something to remember.. ahem, not just a post about a big bag of donuts. After all this time of picking out ideas for this little number, I've decided to give back to everyone (all 3 of you), in an respectable amount of anonymity, for keeping up with my ramblings from the first day that I created Hybrid-Blog. So, with this prologue finished, I just want to say thank you to those mentioned, sorry to those who I missed, and I hope this keeps you quiet for a while.
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Over the last 17 years and 5 months, I've met many people who still I hold close to me to this day. Without them, all of them, I wouldn't be who I am right now. True story. So I'm dedicating my 100Th blog entry to all the people who've made an impact on me in some way, large or small. And needless to say, this took a lot out of me..

"I can agree that our life hasn't been so easy since she died. And even though things are still falling apart, you haven't given up, and I doubt you ever will. Living with you for 4 years has changed me more then the 13 years before that. My willpower, my morals, my strengths, even my sarcasm: You."

"I've always looked up to you, all my life, to the point where I feel there really isn't too much that separates you and me anymore. 6 years is a long time and I know I've been a real prick in my life, especially to you. But I've grown up, and for better or worse, I'm an adult. But you already saw that, didn't you?"

"You've been the only one who's truly kept up old traditions. Your need to remember the past has kept me from forgetting it. You're the one who's kept her memory alive. Thank you."
~
"I honestly don't know what to say. You are my best friend and I love you to death. There is no one I'd rather spend 3 hours taking pictures with at the park in the middle of the night with then you. But I can't say I'm not quite a bit disappointed about the way things turned out. Please don't get me wrong, honest to god if you are happy with him then I support the both of you. Still, the most important fact remains; After the majority of my better friends faded away from me, you're still here. <3"

"Like it or not, we are almost exactly the same person (maybe one slightly older). Mentally, you're the only one who thinks so much like I do. It's weird, half the shit we talk about doesn't make a lick of sense to anyone else, but it's still how we think. There was also a part of me that resented you cause we were so alike that a lot of what you had in your life is what was, and maybe still is missing from mine. Through your advice and support, you've helped me a lot trying to get that part of me back. But I have to say as a person you can be inescapably opinionated, often quite rude, and indirectly hurtful. That's what separates us, but scarcely anything else does."

"I can't believe that I'm about to say this but out of our whole group here, you've been the one most connected with reality. Yeah, I know that sounds weird, like it shouldn't work or something. But It's kinda like if you don't see the sense in something, you don't do it; while if we do, we end up having it harder then if not. Natural wisdom is hard to find."

"Honestly you were the one reason I showed up for 3rd and 4Th period for months. I mean, I find it personally vexing when people flirt.. just to flirt. I was willing to go the mile and try and mean something in your life, but you just wanted to play with me. And now I can't help asking, who's missing out now? I don't mind just being friends anymore, in fact I think I'd kill myself if I have to go through 4Th period one more time without someone there to help make the class fun (or make fun of the class)."

"What do you say to someone who's lived within walking distance from you for, very literally, your entire life? Moreover, what do you say to someone who *used* to be fatter then you were?! I don't know how you did it, but damn man. You've changed a lot over the years, to the point it's almost strange to look at you sometimes. You're still the same old guy, the one who I prolly got all my wacky quirks from, but you've grown up a lot. But sometimes it feels like you've left me in the dust, moved on ahead of me. It'd be nice to see you bite the bullet and be my friend more around others. A 3 second handshake in the hallways once a month doesn't count"

"I barely even know you and already you have impressed me. You are not afraid to stand up and speak your mind in front of others. I like you because you're honest, I like you because you think, I like you because you aren't afraid to call others out."

"After 6 years of trying, it only took 2 lessons from you to get me playing. Between you and him, I've managed to find something else I love doing. Whether it being keeping me from wasting money at Alto or just talking to me in gym, life would be much less fun. This is to you guys"

"I admire you most for having one of the strongest willpower's and sense of self I've ever seen. Not to mention the most amazing singing voice I've ever heard. Your vow to live without hurting anything is very respectable. So I may not have given up meat, eggs or cheese, I still admire anyone who can. And the fact that, at a table full of artists (some better then I) you recognized me out of them, I love you for that. We may not have the strongest bond between friends, but it's always nice knowing you have someone to talk to who will listen."

"What can I say. Out of everyone in that class, your the only one who still has my respect. You tend to brag a bit too much, bring out and emphasize everything, but hell, you're having a great life, why not? Without you as a friend, I'd rather retake my senior year then ever go back to that school."

"I can't say I don't miss having you around, because I do. We did have more fun then any other person I've been around, thats for damn sure. Your utter cheery attitude sharply contrasted my own to the point that I changed quite a bit. But, see lately I don't know what it is anymore, you don't even look at me in the halls or talk to me at lunch. I called you once, for 30 seconds, and you never called me back. Ever. I don't get it, I thought we were past this."

"In 17 years I never thought I would say this but I wanna thank each and every one of you. If it wasn't for the constant berating of my self esteem and outlook on society, I would have ended up another conceded, close-minded punk who lived in ISS, just like the rest of you. In a way, I owe you for making me who I am."

"And this last one could possibly be the most important of the lot. To think that I really haven't known you for very long at all, I feel most comfortable around you. I've told you things that I haven't told my father or even my best friend. I can sit around and joke with you in lunch one day, talk for hours on the phone that night, and want nothing more then to see you early the next day. Honestly I've had my fair share of impossible crushes in my life, girls I knew I would never go anywhere with but still couldn't get them out of my head. One thing separates you and puts you in front of them; Out of all of the impossible crushes I've had, you are the only one I've kissed."

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Epilogue- It isn't just the good memories that make you who you are. Pain can give you strength just as inspiration or self-realization can. I've grown to be an intelligent, talented, honest, and almost philosophical in nature. I am who I am, I know who I am, I like who I am, and I owe you all for helping me get there.

I always admired atheists. I think it takes a lot of faith.

Lately I've been considering my faith a whole lot. I remember since at a young age I never really did believe in god, at least the Christian version. Even going to a different, slightly easier-on-the-knees church with Jenna just wasn't good enough either. But lately I've just lost touch with myself, at least my beliefs. I'd like to believe that there is some kind of being with a greater, ultimately "good" plan for the future and the present. It's hard, but I'm trying. Anyway, so the kind of person that I am, I don't look for faith in a god, actually I just kinda look for "hints" from something who "knows more then I do". But what I'm talking about today isn't as spiritual as that, moreover it's just seeing something for what it really is.

There is nothing magical about horoscopes. They are about as magical as fortune cookies (About a month ago I got one from that place in town, opened it and *SWEAR ON MY LIFE* it said "You look nice today. Lucky numbers 2, 4, 7, 12..") which isn't so magical. It's obvious that each message for each day is written specifically to be extremely general and usually random. But from a skeptic such as myself, I can see that it's nothing more then some random advice that I can apply to any part of my daily life and it works. For example:

"Stagg- It may be hard to stay nice when you are also trying to be real.
I still care for someone who I can't have. But I'm still her friend, am I'm still here for her to lean on, but it's hard to not feel weird if I'm close to her.
Your passions are aroused and you feel strongly enough to share them with someone.
I do feel for someone else who isn't as far away from me as the majority of girls I know.
But others may not want to hear what you are saying, for your perspective could very well be upsetting to them.
Maybe this just isn't the time to let out..
For now, don't worry about the consequences as long as you continue to speak the truth."
Common sense tells me not to say anything until she asks me, but then not worry about what she will say or what will happen between us after as long as I don't make shit up to sound romantic. Which brings me back to being "real".

See what I mean, I'm sure you could attribute that to anything important thats happening to you in your current thoughts. Hell, I'm sure I could too eventually, but the point isn't that this shit is magical. It's no coincidence that it fits and makes sense to me. It's not magic, it's just good advice from any angle. It's why I keep reading it every morning. I even have it on my home page, Google is good like that.

Regarding "Just Friends"

See, I spelled it right that time!

So, I starting thinking about this when I was hooked up with a mutual friend for a while (you all probably know anyway so whatever, I'm not ashamed). People always said that if we weren't going out, we shouldn't be.. you know, doing stuff. Well, I don't see why that should change anything. I think that if you and a friend want to do something, however intimate or nay, sometimes you shouldn't have to ask them out to do it. All "going out" does is give each other titles and justifies doing things in public that normal just-friends don't do. So I'm not allowed to kiss a friend? Hold a friend? Put my arm around just a friend? I don't get it.
People will always prefer to actually ask someone out then go the other route because there is less confusion in it for them and society to understand. They want to avoid the typical "Did you see her kiss him?? I didn't know they were going out. Wait.. they aren't? Then what are they!?!?" They are so uncertain of others feelings for them that they need proof. Evidence.

This all sprang from my current loneliness. Yes, I said it, I Am Lonely. Not in a sexual way, but I just want to be around someone. Ever since this mono shit, I haven't seen or talked to any of my friends in person. Now I know people are scared I'll give it to them, scared I'll get mad and lick them or something (Doctor even said that Mono isn't contagious outside of saliva. There has to be saliva contact for an antigen transfer). Sure I talk to people on-line, sure I have a phone, sure my dad is around every day. But that still doesn't change the fact I can literally count the number of times I've been able to leave my house in 2 weeks on one hand, and still have extra fingers. But whats worse, I can't stand seeing people say "I don't wana be anything more then friends with you Mike" and go back to their punk of a boyfriend who forgot how to open doors and listen to her. You hang on the word of a boy who wont even call you back, and yet I've been here holding this safety net under you as tight as I can. The plain truth is, I could be everything you have ever wanted but could never find, even if I'm looking right at you.
I miss people, I missed them even before I was sick. I'm so tired of never having someone close to me. I can't say that I don't care who it is, cause thats another story, but I just can't stand being alone anymore. And as much as I want someone to be with, I don't want a committed relationship, cause chances are I'm still not gona love them. That is why I am better off with really good friends for now. Maybe something more, but not too much.

So like I said, there should be more grey area in between those lines, not just so straight cut. If you really care about someone, and you both wana be intimate (not just sex, simply holding or kissing can be more intimate then sex ever could be), you shouldn't have to care what other people think. It doesn't matter if people talk about you, it shouldn't effect you. It's only when you realize the truth, when you act as you would if noone is around, then you no longer depend on other's thoughts of you for gratification. That is true confidence.

ZOMG I HAVE MONO

So yeah, I don't know who I've been kissing recently but I'm gona have to keep tabs on that cause I have mono... Oh joy. It all started (one stormy Friday afternoon) as I was going in to breakfast at Willows Cafe in town. I told my dad I've been having a sore throat for a few days now and the glands on my neck were swelling up and starting to hurt. We went to the hospital nearby and they took some test and found I have mono. Which means that I'm suck inside untill next Wends when I can go back to school, after that the next time I can work is the Saturday after that, and I'm exempt from gym for 3 weeks, lest I break my liver or something. Other then that, I'm just gona be real tired, playing lots of video games, and I can't kiss anybody for a while, which bites. Though, I do have a bit more of an extension on that global project I was supposed to do for Mita.

Mike Crain's Dictionary: Made-up Words and Terms!:
"lest I break my *something squishy*"-(verb) to rupture, tear, bruise, or otherwise harm something (like a squishy body organ) that shouldn't be physically breakable otherwise, such as bone, a pencil, or a window pane.

In other news, I've been considering what to do for Senior Project. For those of you who don't know what the project is, basically you're given the option to take on an annual goal to engage in and present at the end of the year to a board of teachers. You get school credit and the experience itself is worth the trouble (I mean, how many other programs let you build your own house to live in at 18 yrs old??) I guess I'm kinda lucky in that I have the option open for me, the majority of my friends are seniors and don't get to test-run this project, and the school is pushing for it to be mandatory for all students *after* the now-juniors "beta-test" it for them.

I've been considering what I wana do, since there is no way I'm gona pass this opportunity by, and I've come to a few different ideas (most of which I just now pulled out of my arse). I could try to:

1. Write a novel and present the finished book+cover art to the board before graduation day.
2. Buy a car and do a custom, wrap-around-body design and paint job.
3. Get over my stage-fright, learn to play better, and play and sing a song or two at a Tuscan Open-Mic.
4. Meet, talk to, and interview Stan Lee and/or James O'Barr on video.
5. Design and construct a mini-model of my dream room with a realistic budget.
6. Design, construct, and paint 5 of my own mini-busts straight from the Necroscope novels.
7. Draw out, color, and construct my own guitar (maybe a custom case too?)
8. Design, 3D-construct, and eventually build a model of my future art supply store.
9. Design, draw, and make my own custom computer tower/case.
10. Design, draw, and eventually create my own custom duster-coat.
    

I would awesomely love to do any one of these for SP, I love the idea of making something professionally that I'm gona be able to use for the rest of my life, but I'm thinking 3 would be the most fun and realistic. Maybe 2 or 4 or 7 would be cool, but I don't have the money for that. But more and more I've been wanting to try out playing a cover or two of some songs at Tuscan. I love the idea of singing on stage with a guitar, but I'd have to get lessons and then guitar lessons, plus I'd rather not be up there alone, I'd rather have a partner with me. I'm thinking of 2 people off-hand, and there is always the possibility of playing with whoever I chose as a "mentor", but I can think of someone I'd want to play with more. Also, Liz asked why I wouldn't write my own music instead of doing covers of other people's songs; Well, first I don't want to play something that might suck, I'd rather play an already good song that people know and can sing to. And also it's alot easier to play a song that you can listen to and know the way it is supposed to be played vs making your own song and having the chance of it sucking. I'm no good at writing music nor lyrics, so I'm gona go with covers. Now, which ones? Right now, I'm liking Incubus's acoustic "Pardon Me", Story Of The Year's "Anthem Of Our Dying Day", maybe Dustin Kensrue's "pistol", and Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters". I think those three would work well in that order.




From up here, these ci-ty lights burn
like a thou-sand miles of fi-re
and I'm here to sing this an-them
of our dy-ing day.